I need your ideas for silly, non-political conversation topics

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 09/27/2016 at 11:02 • Filed to: None

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I’m getting married this weekend! Which is great, because my fiancee is great, and so is not having to deal with any more wedding planning. But there’s one small problem: talking with family. Many people in our families have opinions about politics. I have a plan to avoid politics, but I need your help.

We’re doing a not-rehearsal dinner on Friday for our out-of-town guests, mostly family members. These range from people like my aunt who sent me several emails begging me to write a letter to Wisconsin Republican senator Ron Johnson, telling him he needs to confirm Obama’s supreme court nominee, as if one letter from my hippie ass was going to magically turn the tide and get that dude confirmed, to my fiancee’s former-nun aunt who wasn’t sure if she would be able to attend our mixed Catholic-Jewish wedding because it’s not happening in a church, and really wants me to explain why so many of us Jews don’t like Republicans when the Republicans are obviously the only party that supports Israel.

In order to avoid having politics become the dominating theme of the weekend, in my little welcome speech, after I say stuff like thanks for coming and buying a bunch of stuff from our registry, I’m going to say something like this:

We know that the election is coming up soon, and that this is a topic about which many of you have opinions . We love you all, but to have as fun of a weekend as possible, we’re asking that if you feel the urge to talk politics, please kindly talk about literally anything else. And if you can’t think of something else, here are some ideas.

Then I’m going to have them open these envelopes with stupid conversation topics. So far, the only topic I know for sure is, “true or false: crunchy Cheetos are obviously superior to poofy Cheetos.”

Other than that, I’m totally at a loss! I asked around my office for ideas but the only topics that weren’t grossly, completely, inappropriate were who is your favorite Power Ranger, and whether Godzilla or King Kong would win in a fight, and those are certainly stupid, but I don’t think they’d quite hit the mark with my particular crowd of mostly Baby Boomer and older relatives who can’t keep their damn mouths shut about politics.

So, what conversation topics can you give me? Help me Oppo, you’re my only hope!

Tripper > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 11:06

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CB > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 11:07

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Best baking recipes.

Cake or pie.

When we can get this Marxist revolution started, comrade.

Next planned vacations.

I dunno, don’t make people talk about other things, let them figure it out for themselves.

TheHondaBro > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 11:08

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The salinity of Pepto-Bismol.

Fuck, I don’t know.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Tripper 09/27/2016 at 11:10

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Me irl.

ttyymmnn > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 11:10

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http://www.crazythoughts.com

Also, even a preemptive strike on politics (or religion) will only make it a topic of conversation. I love your envelope idea. You might also ask for recipes, restaurant recommendations, favorite sext toys, etc.

DipodomysDeserti > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 11:10

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I guess your wife’s aunt doesn’t know many Orthodox Jews...

My FIL still has a “W” sticker from 2004 on the window of his truck. He’s also been unemployed for most of the 13 years I’ve known him, and once asked me when I was going to get a “real” job. I manage a production facility/teach/hustle and make more money in a year than he’s made in the last five. I also sent myself to college and got a degree while he’s a high school dropout. Holidays are always fun! I’m spending Thanksgiving in Hawaii so I can actually enjoy the holiday with my family.

Good luck with your in-laws!

Textured Soy Protein > Tripper 09/27/2016 at 11:10

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How about, “if every BMW driver used their turn signal at the same time would that create a temporal vortex and end life on this planet as we know it?”

(I drive a BMW too)

TheHondaBro > CB 09/27/2016 at 11:10

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I thought you typed Matrix Revolutions and got excited for a moment.

Textured Soy Protein > DipodomysDeserti 09/27/2016 at 11:11

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I’m pretty sure I’m the only Jew she knows personally, but I guess she’s heard something about how most of us American, not-observant-at-all Jews are a bunch of limousine liberals.

The Lurktastic Opponaught > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 11:13

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What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Tripper > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 11:14

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I’ll do ya one better. Every BMW driver uses their turn signal (simultaneously) to pull into a parking space. Then does so and they all make it between the lines and none of them are illegally parked in a handicap space.... later universe.

Tripper > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 09/27/2016 at 11:14

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*oppo irl

ttyymmnn > The Lurktastic Opponaught 09/27/2016 at 11:15

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African or European?

ttyymmnn > TheHondaBro 09/27/2016 at 11:16

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6 mg

Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 11:20

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I think your intro is going to cause more talk about politics...

Anyways, good topics of conversation include travel, family, work if a person has something positive to talk about, friends, for old people - back in my day stories,

For Sweden > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 11:21

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Pick a less contentious topic, like Balance of Performance in the WEC.

duurtlang > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 11:22

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Pepsi or Coke?

What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Starting at what age should older citizens be mandated to have their ability to drive tested?

Brad or Angelina?

Beatles or the Stones?

DAF or FAF ?

Reverse: left and up or right and down?

edit : beaten by The Lurktastic Opponaught. Damnit.

Nibby > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 11:23

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Congrats! Hope the wedding goes well :)

Textured Soy Protein > Tripper 09/27/2016 at 11:23

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Here’s the official page:

(Yes it’s that much better for having my car on it.)

Under_Score > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 11:24

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What people drive. Or, if you want a funny one, Harambe the Gorilla.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Tripper 09/27/2016 at 11:24

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Seriously.

MrDakka > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 11:30

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Realistically they probably will end up talking politics. I say have some sort of contingency plan just in case things get out of hand. Hopefully you won’t need it, but you know what they say about preparing for the worst

Future next gen S2000 owner > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 11:32

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Global warming, traffic patterns and the finer points of model year differentiation now that cars don’t change much from model year to model year.

That should keep them good and bored.

Don’t forget your ultimate out for this weekend. In addition to your wedding you will have to mingle. So if something comes up, dodge it by saying you have to make the rounds and make everyone feel welcomed. 60% of the time, it works every time.

Textured Soy Protein > MrDakka 09/27/2016 at 11:33

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I’m not expecting that they will not talk at all about politics, it’s really more to set the tone for the weekend of “hey let’s have fun.”

PS9 > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 11:36

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Be super-abrasive, and no one will want to talk to you about it.

Oh man, I can’t wait Til trump takes over the white ho-
Shut the fuck up.
...excuse me?
I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP I DON’T WANNA HEAR YOUR POLITICAL BULLSHIT, I GOTTA PUT UP WITH THAT SHIT FROM THOSE JACKASSES AT OPPOSITELOCK AND I’LL BE DAMNED IF I HAVE TO DO IT A MY OWN FUCKING WEDDING. NOW PRODUCE THE WEDDING GIFTS OR GTFAC
...

Warning; You...may not be married anymore after doing this, but you know how it is. Eggs, omelette, etc.

vicali > Tripper 09/27/2016 at 11:39

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literally; Q: ‘What do you drive?’

Gives you hours of entertainment, judging, making faces, arguments, and tire kicking.. It’s perfect for a wedding.

Bonus points if you can see the parking lot from the venue and point out your car.

Textured Soy Protein > PS9 09/27/2016 at 11:40

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Well hey, the gifts have been showing up at my house for weeks now.

shop-teacher > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 11:45

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I like this idea. I’m always having to say, “No politics!” When we’re around my dad’s loudmouth moron of a fiancé.

The Baby Boomers will love this one:

True or false: The Monkeys were better than the Beatles.

I say that whenever I want to see my dad’s face turn red :)

pauljones > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 11:46

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The key is not to avoid political talk; you may as well try to avoid gravity. Rather, the key is keep on top of where the conversation is going in push into a lighter tone that allows others to express their views at some level and feel accepted, but prevents it from detiorating into a he said/she said situation.

In other words, incorporate the political conversation, but make every effort to keep the tone light. If you have an asshole in the room (or two or however many), don’t be afraid to be firm and tell them they have crossed a line.

Here’s a great semi-political question that wound up being sparking an awesome and hilarious conversation with a few of my friends:

We all know that old people these days still think and say some pretty messed up shit that we would never ourselves condone. And yet, we let them get away with it. Why? Eh, because they’re old. Whether it be a racial comment or an ignorant comment about environmental topics, we just give them a pass based on their age. When we get old, what things will be saying that will be considered crazy or messed up, and that our children will simply hand wave away because we’re just old?

TheRevanchist > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 11:48

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Why are shoe laces still a thing, as they are a huge waste of time and we have slip-on and velcro?

North Dakota State football.

Airport food is good, but airline food is bad. Something has to be done about this.

Were the Twilight books as bad as the movies? Did anyone read those books?

Textured Soy Protein > pauljones 09/27/2016 at 11:51

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I’m not expecting people to really not talk about politics. My overall idea is that because we have so many people with strong, opposing ideas on it, we might as well try to diffuse things a bit in advance. If someone starts talking about it I’m not going to stop them. I have better things to do, like enjoy my wedding.

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 12:08

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If they’re into cars, talk about what they’re driving and what their plans are for it. Talk about house redecorating.

Or just talk about the idiocracies of cooking vegetables.

IanZ - limited-slip indifferential > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 12:26

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I’ve always wanted to know what cheese would be most beneficial for my skin. Scientists?!

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 12:35

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I feel your pain, but honestly, I think it’s best to not reference politics at all in your welcome and not try to give conversation topics and just let them make small talk like they would in any social situation where they don’t know all the other people there very well. One thing that could help is making people sit with others they don’t know (don’t sit all the known Trump-or Hillary-lovers together). If you’re really worried about it, you and your fiancee could make a personal plea prior to the event to the 2 or 3 people you think would bring up politics and ask them to please not bring up politics or engage with anyone who does that night.

You could start with an activity to get things started, like each person’s funniest memory of you or your bride to be when you were kids. That might get the conversations going in the right direction. Good luck!

Leadbull > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 13:21

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It’s hard, if not impossible, to completely avoid politics.

So don’t try. Just talk about Canadian politics instead because they are much nicer.

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 20:18

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married...hmm was gonna say branjalina jokes

Hmm turn it into complicated situation in the F1 ownership power struggle until no one knows what your talking about everyone gets weirded out.

Carbon Fiber Sasquatch > Textured Soy Protein 09/27/2016 at 23:20

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Talk about whatever you like to do. If it turns to politics just act uninformed and let them babble about whatever conspiracy theory they have about the liberal agneda.

Source: ultra republican extended family on both sides of my marriage